Coping Tools for Not
Belonging
Studio.
Making. Husband. Sister. Dogs. Music. Home.
These
are the things I depend on to enrich my day. I don’t fit into my job world very
well at all. It seems like everyone else has gotten the script and knows how to
navigate. Like a deer in the headlights I continually feel stunned.
Out
of place.
There
is no one to talk to about how the 2 images I found that morning make my soul
dance.
There
is no one at school to share the beauty of the frog skeleton that I found.
The
loneliness makes me feel like an alien.
The
repetition of days and weeks make me feel like a lunatic in a straitjacket. I
fear over my continual exhaustion, but I think that I am suffering from the job
that I do and the world that it’s done in.
BUT.
The
job has kept me safe. It’s kept me in house and security and independence. I
have developed coping skills to pay back what is leeched from me. I used to
think it had to be people but lacking the skills necessary or even the interest,
at this time, it is not.
I
need to make. That is the end of every sentence. I am so happy about it! For most
of my life I thought it was totally secondary. Now after a lifetime I find out
it is primary. Now a whole world opens each time I engage in making. Struggles, failures, disappointments. All of it marvelous and magical.
